Pairing, or gen: Dudley/Neville, Mentions of Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13 (for two men kissing and some sexual references)
Word count/medium: 1773
Summary/Excerpt: Dudley buys a home in Godric's Hollow only to find out that nothing will grow on his land. Harry introduces Dudley to the wizard with the greenest thumb he knows, Neville.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associated characters and settings remain the intellectual property of JK Rowling and her associates. We are very grateful for permission to play with them.
Panic filled Neville as he started throwing all of his clothes across his bedroom. I am such a gay wizard cliché. I get an invite to go to a Muggle football game and dinner with Harry's cousin and I don't have a thing to wear, Neville thought to himself. He almost hit his head on an open dresser drawer by jumping up to answer the front door when Harry knocked surprisingly early.
“Neville, I know you don't know much about the Muggle lifestyle, but you will be stared at if you go into town wearing your boxer shorts and your dressing gown,” Harry teased.
“Thank Merlin you're here, Harry. Will you please help me pick out something to wear? I don't think any of my clothes would be acceptable in Muggle society.”
As the two men walked into Neville's bedroom, Harry couldn't believe his eyes at the mounds of clothes that Neville had piled up all over.
“Go ahead and put away your clothes and I will find something here in my bag.” Harry opened up the bag he was carrying and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans, a tight black t-shirt, and a pair of black boxer briefs.
Neville picked up the boxer briefs and looked at them for a minute. “Muggles wear special undergarments too?”
Harry laughed. “Not really, but I would be a bad gay friend if I let you continue to wear those unflattering boxer shorts. The boxer briefs are so much more flattering, plus they show off your cute arse.”
It didn't take Neville long to get dressed. Harry looked over Neville to make sure the clothes looked good on him, then sat Neville down and set about fixing his hair.
“Harry, what are you doing to my hair?”
“Just giving it some style. I want your first time to the Muggle community to be a memorable one.”
Once Harry was done, he explained the rules of football and how the game was played so Neville wouldn't feel out of place. “And Dudley plays goalie, which is like a keeper except he doesn't fly on a broomstick.”
Harry found Neville's enthusiasm quite amusing.
“C'mon Dudley, catch the ball.” Neville cheered then turned to Harry. “Your cousin is hot.”
“He's just Dudley. He did lose a lot of weight and his body does have a nice stocky build to it now.” Harry responded. He didn't want to admit to himself that he found Dudley hot as well. Stop having impure thoughts about your cousin, Harry. It's not right.
“Do you think Dudley would consider going out with me?” Neville questioned.
“Sorry, Neville. I believe that Dudley likes girls. He's alright with my sexuality but I'm not sure how he feels about gay men in general so you may not want to flaunt it in front of him.”
As soon as the game ended, Harry and Neville walked over to the locker room to wait for Dudley. Dudley gave Harry a nod in his direction to let Harry know that he saw him as he led the team into the showers. One by one the team slowly came out and left the building with Piers Polkiss and Dudley being the only two left. Piers noticed Harry and Neville waiting by the door so he decided to harass them.
“Well look at this. Is this your boyfriend? Nancy Potter?” Piers sneered
“I'm not... Harry's boyfriend. Harry's my mate. His boyfriend's name is Draco. And who is Nancy?” Neville questioned.
Harry just rolled his eyes at Piers. He wasn't going to stoop to his level.
“Look Nancy.” Piers shouted at Neville. “I wasn't talking to you.”
“Harry, I think this man is mental. He thinks our names are Nancy.” Neville said, then turned to Piers. “My name is Neville, not Nancy.”
Harry was shocked to see Dudley walking up behind Piers with a smirk on his face. Please don't tell me Dudley is back to being a bully again, he thought.
“Sod Off Polkiss!! Before I leak the security footage of you wanking off to David Beckham photos in the locker room to the team,” Dudley bellowed.
“You're lying Dudley. There isn't any video.” Piers said defensively.
“Bother my cousin and his friend again and you will find out if there is video or not. Plus the magazines are still in your locker.”
Piers ran off and left the three men to continue their evening together.
“I'm Dudley. Harry's cousin,” Dudley announced to Neville
Harry apologized for not introducing them.
“Hi I'm Neville. Harry's mate. It's nice to meet you. Your friend is a bit mental though. He really likes the name Nancy.”
Dudley and Harry laughed at Neville's innocence at insults then said they would explain it to him later.
“My boyfriend Draco couldn't make it so Neville came in his place,” Harry explained.
Dudley looked over at Neville and smiled. “Are you going to join us for dinner too?”
Harry couldn't believe his eyes. His cousin was actually flirting with Neville. Maybe Dudley was gay after all. “Where are we going for dinner Dudley? You told me it was a surprise and that you wanted to celebrate something special.”
Dudley smiled again. “I just bought a cottage in Godric's Hollow and want you to come see it. I thought I would cook for us.”
Neville congratulated Dudley on his new home, while Harry stood there in shock.
“You know that's where my parents are buried.” Harry spoke.
“That's part of the reason why I bought in Godric's Hollow. Mum and dad disowned me when I came out to them, so you are the only family I have left. I thought if I bought in Godric's Hollow then maybe you would visit me more often,” Dudley confessed. “I miss you, Harry.”
Harry wrapped his arms around Dudley and gave him a hug. “I miss you too.”
Despite his shock, Harry was genuinely pleased with Dudley’s news. They had been getting on quite well for a while now. Having Dudley living in Godric's Hollow would be great, they could see more of each other. Also, with the surprising news of Dudley being gay perhaps they could get along even better. He couldn’t wait to tell Draco!
The trio piled into Dudley's car and he drove them back to his home. Neville and Harry couldn't believe how barren the front of Dudley's home looked.
“Dudley, I know I just met you, but don't you think some trees and plants would be nice in front of your cottage?” Nevile asked.
“I've tried. Everything keeps dying right after I plant it. Do you know someone who does landscaping?”
Harry, trying to play match-maker now, jumped in and volunteered Neville's services. “Herbology was Neville's speciality and he runs his own shop now.”
“I would love to come back tomorrow and help out,” Neville said bashfully.
“How about 10 tomorrow then?” Dudley suggested.
Neville's curiosity got the best of him and he continued to look around the vast amount of dirt in Dudley's front yard. He pulled out his wand and started muttering a charm. The dirt quickly flashed then turned into healthy looking soil. “Just as I suspected, your land has a curse on it. Muggle vegetation won't grow on it, only magical ones will. I'll bring some of my plants and see if we can get something to grow.”
The three men all went into Dudley's house for dinner.
Neville was knocking on Dudley's door at 10 am sharp.
“You really are punctual aren't you?” Dudley questioned.
“Yeah. My Gran instilled the importance of punctuality in me for as long as I can remember. You ready to get started?”
Dudley was amazed at all the different types of magical plants, flowers, and trees. He enjoyed watching Neville interact with them. Neville was treating all these flora as if they were human.
“Dudley, would you please pass me the mandrakes. Don't forget to put on your ear muffs.”
As Dudley passed the pots of mandrakes over to Neville, their eyes locked for a second then Dudley kissed Neville tenderly yet with passion.
“I'm sorry, Neville. I just couldn't resist kissing you. W... Would you like to go get some dinner tonight?”
“Dinner sounds great. I'll head home as soon as I'm done to clean up then meet you back here.”
Neville worked as fast and as hard as he could to finish up so he could head to to clean up and Floo Harry to tell him the good news.
As Neville finished telling Harry all about the day he spent with Dudley, Harry started laughing.
“I really am a great match-maker.” Harry confessed. “I thought Dudley and you would make a cute couple. Have fun at dinner.”
Dudley and Neville talked all through out dinner and closed down the restaurant.
“Harry speaks very highly of you, Dudley. He really does love you.”
“I just wish I was magical so Harry and I could be closer. Life would be so much better if I had some magic in me.”
Neville, blushing and smiling, turned to Dudley and said “Do you want some?”
Dudley looked over at Neville with a confused look on his face.
“I'm sorry, Dudley. I was trying to make an off the cuff sex joke about me being inside of you.”
Dudley laughed really hard. “Harry was right. Your innocence is just adorable.”
Neville Apparated Dudley back to his cottage; the heady scent of magical plants surrounded them as they stood on the doorstep. Neville acted on his impulse, and kissed Dudley goodnight. Dudley responded eagerly, wrapping Neville in his arms as their kiss deepened. As Neville growled softly, Dudley couldn’t stop himself from wishing for some internal magic very soon.